Real Love

"Real love, I'm searching for a real love.."

Mary J Blige

It's February! The month where dinner reservations are through the roof, giant teddy bears are flying off of shelves, and people have picked every rose petal they could find for walkways. It's the month where love is emphasized. And it's the month where your singleness seems to hit you harder than any other month. Being a single woman, I love seeing all the different couples celebrate their love for each other in different ways. I can also understand the desire to have an experience of your own, but what drives your desire for a relationship? Do you feel like you'll be happier in a relationship? Do you feel like being in a relationship will give your life more meaning? While we all have our reasons, the "real love" that we are looking for comes way before stepping into a relationship. Let's talk about it.

As cliché as this may sound, loving yourself should be priority before getting into a relationship. A lot of times, who you are before your relationship will only magnify once you get in a relationship. If you had a hard time showing yourself love and dedicating time to your self growth, it won't magically happen once you get in a relationship. If anything, it might backfire. When you walk into a relationship prematurely, you may rely on your partner for things that they are not responsible for (i.e. happiness, healing). You become dependent on your partner and continue to lose sight of who you are meant to be. You may even tolerate things that you shouldn't have to. Loving yourself means that you are spending time focusing on areas of your life that need growth. Whether it's strenghting your relationship with God, walking in your purpose, getting your finances together, etc, there are so many things that make up the person you were meant to be.

When you take the time to create systems that will help you be at your best, you will have a standard that never waivers. Let's imagine this: you have taken the time to love you and have allowed God to shape you, so now you won't overlook red flags in men because you have an identity and will never settle for qualites that don't align with who you are. That "real love" that you want starts with you. It starts with the purpose that you haven't tapped into yet. It starts with the quiet time with God that you keep putting off. It starts with donating those clothes that have been sitting in your closet and replacing them with clothes that represent the woman you want to become. Don't get my wrong, I get a little excited when I think about the man that God has for me, but I can't overlook the process.

Song of the Week: Hour of Love by India Arie