"Vunlerabilty is the only bridge to build connection."
To be vulnerable means to open. You are open to just about anything. When you're vulnerable, you are open to love, open to criticism, open to some uncomfortable moments, and one of my favorites: you are open to growth. Before we dive in, ask yourself "on a scale of full transparency to completely closed off, where do you stand?"
When we think of realtionships, we often fantasize about the end results. Whether it's a solid bond between you and a friend, clear communication between you and your significant other, or even an unbreakable connection between you and God; we love it and we want it. We crave these things and sometimes become desparate for these things, but turn a blind a eye to what it took to get there. Do you really think you can have a strong relationship without opening up? I'll give you some time to answer, but sis I know it won't take long at all. To paint a better picture, I will use my own journey as an example.
There were areas of my life where my vulnerabilty was L A C K I N G. I'll break them down into 3 categories:
God
Friends
Romantic relationship
A few years ago, I wanted to grow my relationship with God. I wanted to have a connection so strong that I wouldn't break in the worst moments of my life. Okay, that sounded nice, but I found myself holding back from God. Mhmm that's right, I kept those prayers "cute" and "short". "Dear God, help me get this job. Can you direct me in the way I should go with this opportunity? thank youuu and amen!" I didn't want to talk about my real feelings. I didn't want to admit that I was lost and wanted to cry out for help. I was hiding from my best friend; The one who literally knit me together in my mother's womb (Psalm 139:13). I thought I could do a little bit of this and that and we would be locked in. That bond would only come from me being 100% open. I wouldn't just share my happy moments, but allow myself to cry, and even be angry about whatever that was going on in my life. I had to lay myself bare honey. Your relationship with God should set the standard for all the solid bonds you want to have with others.
If you know me, I love people. I love to meet them and have genuine connections, but I learned to gage these connections before assuming this is someone to be open with. I learned that before you decide to pour yourself out to someone you would call a friend, you need to make sure that the person is actually your friend. Correct me if I'm wrong, but there is NO reason why you should be participating in the following:
Pouring yourself out to someone that is guarded with you. You have been talking about your different childhood experiences, dreams of your future, etc.. Sis, why do you only know their favorite color? Yes, there will be times in life where you will be used to help someone by sharing a piece of you, but that person may just be an assignment, not your friend. The connection that you have or lack there of will tell you all that you need to know.
Second, If you desire strong friendships that are held up by strong connections, you need to create the space for that. I will admit, I have struggled with this, but it's comforting to know that people in your life are willing to open and real with you if you create the space to let that happen. You cannot have real friendships without being open with the people in your life.
Lastly, romantic relationships cannot thrive without your vulnerability. You want a husband, but spent a lifetime building up an impenetrable emotional wall. Grab that wrecking ball my love because that's going to have to come down. One thing I've learned while being in this space is that you have to be okay with the possibility of pain or hurt. Now, before you give me the side eye, I am not saying you need to tolerate disrespect or nonsense of any kind ( you will determine what that is), but to think that you may not get upset at something that was either said or done is unrealistic. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable in a relationship will allow you to have a stronger foundation for when times get hard. When I say hard I'm not simply saying hard between you two. I mean if you or your significant other is enduring something within themselves, a safe space has already been created and things can be shared.
As scary as vulnerability can be, it's refreshing. To better understand where you are, don't forget to answer the question from earlier: "On a scale of full transparency to completely closed off, where do you stand?" Be for real..
Song of the week: Say by John Mayer
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